BFF 4ever!

Part 1: Unpromising Beginnings

I met Shayla in third grade by the jungle gym. She had just moved to town, and I had been at my elementary school for what already felt like forever.

We both were really good in class and we both needed braces. Shayla was very timid and I was very obnoxious. Hence, we were both reeeeeeeeeeeeally unpopular.

Shayla was still kind of shellshocked.

Both of us would have loved a more popular friend, but we were really each other's last and only option.

We tried to connect.

We weren't exactly made for each other.

Nevertheless, we became BFFs out of self-defense. And thus a beautiful friendship was formed.

LITTLE WOMEN

I read "Little Women" a lot when I was a kid. I can kind of chart my development by which character I wanted to be.

First, I wanted to be Meg.

Then Amy...

And finally Jo.

I never did want to be Beth. All she got to do was play the piano and die. 

She did get to have kittens, I suppose.

I might have wanted to be Beth if she died in a more exciting way.

 

Oh well.

"BUT YOU DON'T LOOK JEWISH!"

Apparently I don't look Jewish.

This has been told to me in different ways.

Some people seem kind of congratulatory.

Others seem suspicious, like I am not telling the truth.

  




Some get angry, like I have sneakily formulated my unJewish looks just to annoy them.

And some get freaked out, like oh my god, they're everywhere.

Of course, these aren't the only responses I get from people when they find out I'm Jewish. There are much, much weirder ones.

I guess it was a nice sentiment.




This happened when I was working a quit-smoking line. Apparently I don't sound Jewish either.

My cousin had an even weirder encounter...

Twenty minutes later....

 

 Of course, I have it easy, since I only seem to have bizarre encounters. My older relatives and friends had things much harder.

My cousin, who's now in his 70s, had trouble finding an engineering program that was accepting Jews.

He did become very wealthy and the house in Connecticut is gorgeous. He actually did sleep in Marilyn Monroe's bed once, but she wasn't there. It's a long story.

And then this kept happening to my friend's mom...

... but what can you expect from Texas?

Anyway, I've come up with a guide for Jewish women who want to look more Jewish... because really, sometimes when people tell me I don't "look Jewish", I think they're expecting something like this:

 

THE PLAN, PART 4: THE PRESENT DAY

So things didn't really turn out like I intended...

 Sorry Mom.

Whew, okay, that went on forever. On to topics other than my failure to procreate! Coming up next week: "But You Don't Look Jewish!"