Monday, July 11, 2011

Cool Breeze Pool Hall

When Shayla and I were about 15, we learned something very important.

You could get your mom to drop you off at the mall, and then run across the highway to the Cool Breeze Pool Hall.

The Cool Breeze Pool Hall was full of the older, wiser men we wanted to date. We knew that our innate maturity would endear us to them.

While perhaps our bodies were fifteen years old, our hearts and minds were much older and able to handle mature matters.

We knew soon we would be recognized as women of the world, able to hold our own under any circumstance, ready for any eligible man who might decide he was ready for a real woman.

Unfortunately, all the men there were too blinded by society to see that we were diamonds, shining with all the attributes of a woman of older years. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

BFF 4ever: Adolescent Adventures, Part 2

One thing Shayla and I enjoyed- as did most teenage girls- was contacting spirits in the beyond, using our Ouija board.

Sometimes the encounters were creepy. Sometimes they were enlightening. And sometimes they just didn't make much sense in general.

Some say that playing with a Ouija board is an innocent game, but know that they speak ignorant lies. It is dangerous to contact The Beyond, and can cause much discord and violence. 

Jacob obviously left in disgust, because we never could contact him again. I left a toasted bagel on a plate in the kitchen overnight, and it was gone the next day, but Shayla in her naivete insisted it had been the cat.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

BFF 4ever: Adolescent Adventures, Part 1

Part 1 is where we are contacted by our very first online pervert (using AOL dial-up.)

We enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

BFF 4ever: The Rebirth of BFF!!

Right. So I realize it's been forever since I've posted. But on the bright side, I can now formulate a null and alternate hypothesis, and calculate the P-value, for everything. EVERYTHING.

Anyway, when we last left our heroines, I had gone all metal...

And Shayla had fallen in with a very popular, high-achieving crowd, and I'd foreshadowed that bad things were to come.

Well, they came.

And then, Shayla was alone.

Miserable and furious, Shayla decided to get revenge the only way she knew how... 

Fed up, the girls went to a guidance counselor. She then performed a very sensitive and meaningful intervention.

A couple of weeks after, I was hanging around outside the school and saw Shayla, crying.

The whole story came out.

I had very little tolerance for popular girls.

I also had very little tolerance for being 13.

I expected Shayla to start crying again, or defend them. But she surprised me.

I was impressed by Shayla's nihilism.

And thus, a friendship was reborn.

On a side note, one of the popular girls won the presidency of our freshman year class the next year, by quoting Smashing Pumpkins in her speech. Her hair was dyed purple, and you could totally see her matching purple bra.

She was wearing blue fingernail polish.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Statistically, Dinosaurs Do Many Things

I haven't been updating the blog lately. I'm taking this statistics class and it's all I can think about. Or more like, it's all I have time to think about. It's 5 credits and I'm working full time.

And then to top it all off, my cousin Joe sends me something about this great comic strip that uses dinosaurs and how I should use dinosaurs.

 I'm not sure that actually helped anything.

It would be satisfying if the dinosaur ate up all the statistics...

And then ate Joe.

 Then I thought maybe it could shoot fire from its mouth like Godzilla and burn Tokyo.

But it may just be vomiting Technicolor Kool-aid.

I shouldn't stereotype my dinosaur. It could be an intellectual.

 And then it could take my statistics exam for me...

And then eat all my enemies.

 Yeah. It's that kind of day. A my-dinosaur-of-revenge-won't-even-destroy-dairy kind of day.