Saturday, February 26, 2011

THE PLAN, PART 3: THE MID-TWENTIES

In my twenties, I realized some of my prior goals had been a bit unrealistic. 



I still wanted kids- I just had to make sure that everything in my life was exactly perfectly perfect before I had them. I figured this would happen by age 32. 



My perfect career would make me rich enough to hire help for taking care of the baby, because I really hate not getting enough sleep.


My husband would be not only the perfect husband, but the perfect father. 


My children would be extra-smart, extra-attractive, and most importantly, never sick.


When they became teenagers, there would be rules, but they would respect them because they respected me.




So what actually ended up happening? Join us next week for the shattering conclusion to this cliffhanger, THE PLAN, PART FOUR: CURRENT DAY

Saturday, February 19, 2011

THE PLAN, PART 2: THE TEENAGE YEARS

As I got later into my teen years, I realized my prior dream had been a tad unrealistic.




I realized I was not going to get married. Not only was it bourgeois, but it seemed I was doomed to be in love with men who never wanted to get married.






That was okay. I would have at least seven lovers. 






I would have one perfect daughter.






I would neither know or care who her father was. My lovers would appreciate my independence and willingness not to be bound by tradition or details.







Our relationship would be magical, full of feminine connections and power.








We would live on a ranch in the desert, bought by money I earned writing depressing poetry. Since I was a vegetarian, the cows would be allowed to roam and live in their natural state.







When I visited my lovers, she would come with me.







While my lover and I had exotic, passionate, incredible sex, she would... wait around somewhere.

 








When she got older, I would NEVER oppress her with rules or lessons. I would respect her and allow her to live her OWN LIFE.



COULD THINGS GET ANY WEIRDER? YES! JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR "THE PLAN, PART 3: THE MID-TWENTIES".

Sunday, February 13, 2011

THE PLAN, PART 1

When I was a kid, I wanted 8 children.






I would start having these children immediately after college, when I married my handsome, green-eyed high school sweetheart.




While having these children, I would also go to veterinary school and become the best veterinarian ever.



Pregnancy and childbirth would be a joy. I knew this from reading chapters out of my mom's Our Bodies, Ourselves.





Because I was going to be fabulously rich, from my beauty queen/ veterinary career, money would never be a problem.





My children would be artistic, creative, smart, precocious, funny, and delightful 100% of the time.






Each child would have a dog.





Or two.






Each dog would have its own servant.







It was all so easy, and I really couldn't understand people who didn't seem to get it. Every time I saw a kid screaming, or an annoyed parent, I felt sorry for that poor child, but smug in the knowledge that my children were going to be perfect.

SEE THE PLAN GET A LOT MORE GOTH IN "THE PLAN, PART 2: THE TEENAGE YEARS"