Monday, April 25, 2011

Statistically, Dinosaurs Do Many Things

I haven't been updating the blog lately. I'm taking this statistics class and it's all I can think about. Or more like, it's all I have time to think about. It's 5 credits and I'm working full time.

And then to top it all off, my cousin Joe sends me something about this great comic strip that uses dinosaurs and how I should use dinosaurs.

 I'm not sure that actually helped anything.

It would be satisfying if the dinosaur ate up all the statistics...

And then ate Joe.

 Then I thought maybe it could shoot fire from its mouth like Godzilla and burn Tokyo.

But it may just be vomiting Technicolor Kool-aid.

I shouldn't stereotype my dinosaur. It could be an intellectual.

 And then it could take my statistics exam for me...

And then eat all my enemies.

 Yeah. It's that kind of day. A my-dinosaur-of-revenge-won't-even-destroy-dairy kind of day.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

BFF 4ever!

Part 4: Transition

Soon a girl named Anna, who had been my friend in first and second grade, befriended Shayla and they both started being mean to me.

What I didn't realize at the time was that Anna was also being mean to Shayla in private- even meaner than me. Shayla was too scared of her to fight back.

One day, they called me up with astonishingly helpful news.

I didn't particularly like John, but I figured a boyfriend I didn't like was better than no boyfriend.

I reeeeally should have seen it coming.

I resolved never to speak to either of them again.

Later that year, Anna disappeared suddenly. I found out later she had tried to kill herself by drinking a bottle of window cleaner.

We entered junior high. At first, I was no more popular in junior high than I was in grade school.

However, I soon discovered the secret to junior high popularity: Anorexia.

At the end of 8th grade, I fell in with the heavy metal crowd. Everyone I didn't like was scared of my friends. The rest of junior high was a breeze.

Shayla drifted around a bit and eventually fell in with a group of reasonably smart, popular, and pretty-but-not-slutty girls.They all dressed alike and took the same classes and did everything together. I found them sickening.

But as Yeats once wrote about popular girls, "Things fall apart, the center cannot hold..."

Things were about to get bad for Shayla.

But despite our different spheres, fate was conspiring to bring us together again...

Sunday, April 3, 2011

BFF 4ever!

Part 2: In which love and hate walk hand in hand

Shayla and I became "Best Friends" because we really had no other options.

Soon our "friendship" had morphed into mutual cruelty.

But, you know, better a mean friend than no friend.

I was jealous of Shayla because her family was rich and she wore expensive clothes. Expensive clothes were really a big deal in our part of Connecticut.

Ironically, the boy who teased me the most about this was from India. Or maybe that's not so ironic.

Shayla was jealous of me because my house(s) didn't have a room full of glassy-eyed, staring dolls. Her mom collected dolls.

One activity we really enjoyed was prank-calling. Shayla was a wizard.

Me, not so much.

But still, it was good to have a friend to call my own.