THE PLAN, PART 1

When I was a kid, I wanted 8 children.

I would start having these children immediately after college, when I married my handsome, green-eyed high school sweetheart.

While having these children, I would also go to veterinary school and become the best veterinarian ever.

Pregnancy and childbirth would be a joy. I knew this from reading chapters out of my mom's Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Because I was going to be fabulously rich, from my beauty queen/ veterinary career, money would never be a problem.

My children would be artistic, creative, smart, precocious, funny, and delightful 100% of the time.

Each child would have a dog.

Or two.

Each dog would have its own servant.

It was all so easy, and I really couldn't understand people who didn't seem to get it. Every time I saw a kid screaming, or an annoyed parent, I felt sorry for that poor child, but smug in the knowledge that my children were going to be perfect.

SEE THE PLAN GET A LOT MORE GOTH IN "THE PLAN, PART 2: THE TEENAGE YEARS"